It’s a new year; a blank slate filled with endless possibilities. And as I put past the last overstuffed box of tree trimmings and other glittery holiday decorations, I want to pause to reflect on the past year for a moment.
The house is silent, the kids away at school for yet another hour, giving me just a moment to think. In the whirlwind of life as a mother of two elementary school children – one with autism, one without – these moments are too infrequent. It’s in these infrequent pauses from busyness that I’m able to take stock of where we’ve been and where we need to go.
And I’m filled with gratitude — gratitude that we’re making baby steps forward. A word becomes a sentence. A sentence weaves into a story. Chicken scratch letters are suddenly neatly written between the lines.
The tantrums are fewer. Scars on my hands from nails dug deep in to the flesh are now faint. For a while now, we’ve been plodding forward out of that dark tunnel of autism.
It’s still hard coping with having a child with autism. I’m slowly coming to the realization that it always will be. But day-by-day, year-by-year we’re moving forward. And that brings me great joy. The puzzle pieces of Carson’s own special brand of autism seem to be coming together, and I feel like I can exhale – at least for this one fleeting moment.
You see, I’m feeling upbeat today because I “think” we’ve overcome a big hurdle. Every year the first few months of school seem to go smoothly for Carson, then we hit the holidays and everything just falls apart.
I used to approach the holidays with dread. Out of routine translated to an out-of-synch child. Downtime was difficult time. There was no chance to regroup and recharge.
As we approached this holiday season, I was on guard. Carson and I had both been sick for more than a week. Carson missed 7 days of school – more than he EVER has. With only two days left before school was out for the holidays, I was determined to get him healthy if only just to get a small taste of school before the break.
He cried, complained, and incessantly whined about going back to school. Oh no… could this be the slippery slope that we usually encounter this time of year?
Then he surprised me. Once he got to school, I never heard another complaint out of him. We then sailed through the holiday without a hitch. Now two days under our belt post-break and I’m cautiously optimistic. Smiles, excitement, even laughter as I pick him up from school. Again, exhale.
This time last year, we were in full-fledged crisis mode at home. Every time he was faced with a task he didn’t want to do, it resulted in an angry outburst, throwing toys or even a nasty temper tantrum. We had to call in our ABA therapists for some intensive help.
Yes, what a difference a year makes. Was it a new school? Maybe just maturity and growing self-awareness? Perchance all those years of therapy are paying off. I can’t say for sure, but I’ll take it.
So as we enter 2012, I have to say a little prayer of thanks. I’m so grateful for how far we’ve come; so hopeful that there’s more on the way.
I’ve begun many-a-year with a resolution or two. But, frankly, I don’t need the guilt when I stumble, as I’m sure I will. 365 days is a loooong time after all. Instead, I’ll settle for New Year’s INTENTIONS and ASPIRATIONS. Here it goes.
My INTENTIONS and ASPIRATIONS for the year are to:
– Set small, manageable goals that I can work on daily with Carson. Small baby steps give us both a sense of accomplishment and keep me from feeling overwhelmed by it all.
– Continue to connect with other autism moms and families through this blog and other avenues on a more regular basis. I’ll even put it down in writing. My GOAL is to write at least 2 blog posts a week. (Did I really just put that in writing??)
– Take care of myself through regular exercise, better diet and “mommy time outs.” (I know, I know… just had to put that in there since it’s there every year.)
Let’s give it a shot! I’m wishing you all lots of love, peace, joy and stamina in this year ahead!
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LOVE! You are such an inspiration to moms with and without children with autism. Thanks for being so candid about your experiences and being such a good teacher so that we all can better understand these incredibly wonderful children and their families. Happy New Year.
Thanks, Mary Koback Holmes! Happy New Year to you too!